It's like December 31st, only in May...

Cheers! To me, summer time is like New Year’s Eve all over again. Of course it’s about five times as hot and we trade in the champagne for an ice-cold beer, but I think the spirit remains the same. It is a season of change, of transitioning from chapter 1 to chapter 2. With one year of college behind me, I’m reflecting on all I have learned and how I plan to apply that to the present. The one thing I’ve been thinking a lot about today is self-awareness. For me, that is being in tune with your goals, your wishes, your habits, your characteristics, and your beliefs. If you take a look at my previous post, you might be able to tell that I was blogging from a place of fear and ambiguity. I felt confused and lost, and really had no idea what I wanted in terms of love, jobs, goals, life etc. It was terrible feeling that way. So I tried to do what every one of my heroes does when he or she wants a scene-change. I built a bridge, and got over it.  

            Upon being back in Houston, I gave myself some time at home. I allowed myself to be clueless for a bit, and trusted that with time, answers would come to me. And boy, did they! I’m not quite sure where or when, but after talking to my parents, catching up on some much needed sleep, and laying out in the sun for more than 3 minutes, I felt infinitely better. My mind was at ease, and soon the anxiety I had experienced after saying goodbye to my first year of college turned into excitement for the summer in my hometown. I’ve caught up with old friends, spent nearly every night at home with the folks, and have relished in the luxury that is my own room again.

            I decided to take all of the energy spent focusing on the what if's of the past and put it on the what next's of the future. Today, like December 31^st, I drew up a list of goals for the summer. Drumroll please. 

1. Nail down an internship (Rare for a freshman, but we're going to pretend it's not) 
2. Cook more at home (poison control's phone number already on speed-dial)
3. Learn 2 new languages (YEAH, we'll see) 
4. Read more novels of literary merit (magazines can't always count *sobs*)
5. Blog more (and when I say that, I mean blog more about the world around me. I can't keep using this thing as a diary. Goodness... there are so many other interesting things out there)
6. Be a boss-ass b***h (My friends tell me this when I need a little confidence booster. I recently realized that I'm almost a twenty-something year old. I need that booster)

And well, that is where I am now. I feel hungry for new experiences, excited for what's to come, and happy that time moves forward, rather than the other way around. For those in the position I was in when leaving school, fear not! Truly. Cry a little bit, rest a little bit, but don't take too long! Because that same thing that might be giving you trouble now could actually be an opportunity for you to learn more about yourself and be a strong boss-ass b***h. And who would want to miss out on that? 

Xoxo, 

Ale 

Act 1, Finale

Well, my beautiful babies. So ends the first year of my college career. I gotta say, it has been nothing but a whirlwind of terrifying and exciting events, one right after the other. Keep in mind I'm coming from a rather emotional place. My head is still throbbing from my last final exam, my room is barely packed, I've said goodbye to new friends I was so scared I wouldn't find. And to top it all off, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am 25% done with my college experience.
I hate lying to you people. I know we don't know each other personally-- though I don't know how that would change things much, I tell you all everything, practically. But if there is one thing I refuse to withhold from you, it is the truth. So I am going to be frank with you all.

College is difficult. Not just upper-level, 300-page, advanced level IV difficult. But it is emotionally, spiritually, and socially draining. And it can be very scary. At least in my experience, I have gone from knowing the middle names of each and every one of my classmates to being too frightened to ask the girl next to me for a spare pencil. I've roomed for months with someone I had never met before, I've had my fair share of late nights in a city I have never lived in, and I have opened up my eyes and heart to people I really have no particular reason to trust. But that is life, my friends. Life, like college, can be new and exciting and scary if you allow it to be. And you should! As much as my wonderfully, theatrically trained mind has become accustomed to rehearsing, there is no script, no screenplay, no stage direction for the way the world turns. You're going to encounter people who don't fit your character list, places too complex for your blocking, and impromptu scenarios you never thought would ever make their way into your story. But one thing you can control is whether you take it as exciting or you close the door, hide under your covers, and refuse to face it. I urge you to do the former. Because when you decide to turn away from the bad, you have a much higher chance of missing out on the good.

Looking back on this year, I want to say that if I were to summarize all that I have learned into one sentence it would be this one:

Everything is going to be ok.

Yes, yes, it's so cliché, it hurts even me. But that doesn't make it any less true. It is no secret that life has its low points. Just in this year I have seen more broken hearts than I thought possible...more loss than anyone should ever have to bear. I have been more unsure in this past year about certain things than I ever thought I could be. But if there's one thing that will never, ever change, is that everything has the potential to be ok.
You will find love again. You will find joy again. You will laugh again, I guarantee it.
You remember this fact, and you can get through almost anything.

As I mentioned before, emotions, emotions, emotions. So many have been biting at my heels this past week. I'm sure it's reflected in my post.
All in all, I am very excited to continue to share what all I have done/will get myself into in the near future. But I thought it necessary to fill you in on this little secret I've learned while being in this enchanted, faraway land they call university.
Bibbity, Bobbity, Everything is going to be ok. Boo!

Now breathe a sigh of relief, and relish in the magic that is life, my friends!

Xoxo,
Ale

Decisions, Decisions.

    There are many things that mark the passing of time and the start of a new chapter of your life. For some, it’s in the number of candles you find burning on the top of a fluffy white birthday cake. For others, it’s the finding of yourself in people you once never knew and for some reason can’t recall why you hadn’t been friends before. It's the new relationships, the new environments, the new habits, and the new memories.
     For me, it has come to the decisions we are forced to make as individuals. Decisions as in the nearly- painful reminders that you can’t spend all day under your covers avoiding reality. But one day you’re going to realize that you have to start making decisions for yourself because surprise! No one else will/can make them for you. For someone who turns to everyone around her for advice when deciding on almost everything, this was a rather rude awakening. Not that I enjoy waking up in the first place (see previous post).

    I find myself asking questions. Scary ones, too. Who do I turn to? This college? That college? Him? Her? Tonight? Tomorrow? For now? For forever? Am I really the only one who can determine the outcome of this situation? Yes? Well all right then. I’m screwed.

    And that lost feeling. The completely ambiguous end of the road you find yourself on without good cell service or a map. That’s pretty freaking scary, I’m not going to lie to you, my lovelies. My advice? Well, I don’t have too much today, because I find myself a bit confused, to be completely honest. But what I can say is how I’ve been coping is a great playlist, some good food, and an uplifting friend who will take your side at that moment in time, no matter what. No judgments, no scolding, no advising. Just good old-fashioned support.

    Perhaps what I can conclude is a few small tidbits. Maybe you’ll find them helpful. Or entertaining. I’ll leave that up to you.

• Nothing, no matter how crazy it may seem at that moment, is so terrible that it is completely impossible to overcome. 
• A good song might not fix it, but it helps.It's like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Band-Aid, only better. 
• You're not always going to have the answers. Allow yourself to be clueless for a bit. It can be quite refreshing. 
• Sometimes, you have to start at point A again. But that's ok. Beause that means that you have the intention of moving forward, of letting life continue. And you must never lose hope in that opportunity. 

Now go lose yourselves, my crazies. 

Xoxo,

Ale